Besties: An Ode to Doctor/Donna

We are constantly surrounded by guys and girls being friends in movies and books, and there are some awesome pairings out there that really tell you what it's really like to be best friends with somebody of the opposite sex: Harry and Sally (which ended in sex), Harry and Hermione (didn't end in sex), Mal and Zoe (didn't end in sex either), and Puffy and me (we're not in a movie or a book, but by God we're entertaining and one of my favorite mixed-sex friend pairs. Oh and no sex for us either, duh.) but my favorite has to be the 10th Doctor and Donna.

A little back story: The doctor had just lost Rose, the woman he loved. Martha walked away from him because she couldn't handle being friend-zoned by him. Donna was the friend who helped him get over both. 

She loved and respected him, but she had a great way of keeping him grounded and reminding him that while he might be the only person who can save the world, he's not the most important person in the universe. She made him laugh, saved his ass more than once, and when something bad happened asked "what are WE gong to do" not what was HE going to do. She was also the only companion who wasn't head-over-heels for the Doctor.

Their friendship wasn't a one way street either. He tried to show her new things but let her decide her way. He also was constantly trying to get her to see her own worth when she doubted herself (which was almost always). He loved her and appreciated her for what she was.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AmSWu35rwh4&feature=youtube_gdat

(The link above has some fun Doctor and Donna moments. While I don't think "Accidentally In Love" was a great musical pick for these two, its still a good video.)

I loved their relationship because watching them, you get the feeling that in all of his 900 years, he had never met somebody like her before. To Donna, the Doctor wasn't this awe-inspiring being who was the destroyer of worlds or the oncoming storm. He was her friend who didn't back down from her temper, sassed her back, and needed to be knocked down a peg once in a while. 

You can often tell, just with his expressions, that she was unique in his world. He wasn't used to being sassed, talked back to, and looked at with anything but awe and admiration. And Donna had no problem doing all of the above. He didn't know what to make of her most of the time which made him appreciate her that much more. 

This made them so much fun to watch. (And relate to... Or is that just me?)

Mixed Company!!

I think I said that about 20 times at work today. Normally I'm ok with the sexual innuendoes flying around (hell, I usually contribute to them) but today, the guys were in rare form. The comments were getting a little ridiculous and, while not making me uncomfortable, I felt like the guys needed a good dose of situational awareness.

Example: Strax* said he hated the local favorite Chinese restaurant. When Carlos* asked him why, Strax said because he had a bad meal there once. Both Carlos and I tried to convince him that he needed to try it again because they had awesome food. Then Carlos decided to use an analogy: it's like this, you don't stop liking vagina because you see a bad one. You just forget the bad one and move on to better vagina.

I yelled "mixed company!" before he could continue and then both Strax and I asked him why, of all the things in the world he could of used, did he pick that analogy? I don't think we ever got an answer.

I think they honestly forget that I'm female sometimes.

Rebound, Field goal, Whatever

Since matters of love are giving me heartburn lately and, here I am all out of Tums, lets discuss something else, shall we?

Sports.

As many of the girls in the room shudder (and one does a lovely dramatic faint) at the topic, I say "oh shut it!"

Sports are not my forte, never have been. Given the chance to watch a football game on Sunday or read a book, 10 times out of 10 you'll find me with my nose buried between those pages and in my own little world... but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy a game when I have to. 

I was in the marching band and pep band all four years of high school and then in college so I have participated in my fair share of football and basketball heckling. I have yelled ridiculous things to get a player to miss a free throw (my proudest pep band moment was making a player miss when I yelled "your shoes are pretty!!") and spelled out "bra" when we needed our defensive line to hold 'em... But I don't think sports are the thing worth living for. 

Not hating on those who do, I just don't get it.

Unless you're talking rugby, then I totally understand. Rugby is a culture all on its own, based on the love of the game and being around others who feel the same way. Ruggers will spend 80 minutes tackling their own teammates who are playing with the other team because the other team didn't have enough players for a game... Then eat, drink, and mingle with that same opposing team like they were family.

I totally didn't mean to make this a rugby thing, sorry. Back to the topic.*

Now, I have no idea where I was going with this... ummm

Sports!

When it comes to watching them on the t.v. or actually going to them, being there in the crowd wins, hands down (Except golf. They tend to frown on napping on the green and that's all watching golf is good for). The energy, the comradery of the fans, the hotdogs and beer, and the fact that everybody from Dad to Preacher Dan to Grandma can act like they have Turrets and nobody will look at them twice, all make for a unique experience that you will never be able to find anywhere else on earth.  

I like being in the stands, or on the sidelines, or at the concession stand getting a beer and screaming for the player to run or shoot or block like my support and advice is going to affect how well or poorly they play. Plus, it's always fun to see the surprise on the stranger's face next to you when you scream something like "support!" "ball's out!" and "ruck!" and actually know what's going on.

Now that we're all confused as to what this was supposed to be about, let me offer some advice that you will gradually notice as a theme to this blog: 

Somethings might be labeled as a "guy thing", sports being one of them, but it doesn't mean you, as a lady, have to shy away from them. Hell, you might even discover that you like watching sports, be it hockey, water polo, or quidditch. If you try it and don't like it, that's cool too. No judgements here since I'm probably just reading a book while there's a game on somewhere.

*Contact Puffy if you are interested in learning more or want to join a team. Rugby: the hooligan's sport played by gentlemen. Plug over.

The Curse of the Friendzone

The "friend zone" is an interesting phenomenon that has exploded across pop culture in the past few years. While, I'm sure, it dates back to the dawn of humans, it hasn't really held a place in our culture previously like it does now.

The friend zone is where a male and a female (and other variations on this depending on your sexual orientation) meet, fall in mutual friendliness, and the feelings stop there... For only one person. The feelings grow into "like" or even "love" for one of the people while they continue to be friends with the object of their affection, pining for the return of their love and (usually) never getting it. 

This may not be the best explanation of it but hey, I work with what I have. You don't like it, go check out one of the million songs, movies, or books using this premise for dramatic affect. 

Now, I've been friend-zoned (the action of the person you like putting you solidly in the friend column) more than I care to think about (I'm writing a blog about being surrounded by guy friends if it gives you any indication of how many times I've been friend-zoned). I'm the Vice President of the Kearney chapter of Friend-zoned Anonymous, we meet every Wednesday at the bar, bring your own chocolate. 

Now, this topic comes up because of my friend Carlos*. He is one of those guys who has a million gal-friends because he's funny, affectionate, in touch with his feelings, etc. Well, due to this, he has friend-zoned a good number of the girls (not me, because we aren't like that, if u were wondering. strictly friends with us lol) in his following because he wasn't into them, which is perfectly acceptable (kind of) to most girls, as long as the guy they like is single. Well, hell breaks loose and the claws come out when the guy finally finds a girl he really likes like my buddy Carlos just did. Now he has all of these girls calling him an asshole because he didn't want them.

Being friend-zoned is not anybody's fault and is not necessarily a bad thing. A guy can't help if he doesn't return your feelings or if a girl says she wants a guy just like you but not you. As many people in bad relationships and bad movies will tell you, you can't help who you love (and conversely: who you don't love).

Now, for it not being such a bad thing... It sucks. It is one of the worst feelings of your life when you realize that the love and affection you have for somebody important in your life will never be returned, especially after months, if not years, of hoping and over-analyzing every word, every look, every laugh that asshole gave you and knowing that you are the much better person than the bitch he is currently dating... Ok got off track there, sorry. 

VP here talking from experience, it blows, but you will get over it. You will realize that he/she is better as a friend than they would be as your significant other and you will grow up a little, become a better person for it... Until it happens again, because it inevitably will. And you know what? You will walk away from that one also.

Finally (hoping with fingers crossed) you will meet the man/woman who may have friend-zoned other worthy women/men because he/she was waiting for you.

I haven't had it happen yet (because I'm repulsive to men) but hey, I'm a sucker for happy endings and it might as well be yours.

*name has been changed to keep him from giving me crap for writing about him.

Your Guy-friends' Girlfriends

Looking back at past posts, I spent a lot of time lamenting the fact that one of my guy-friends (I guess, ex-guy-friend now) has a crazy girlfriend (now fiancé) who doesn't want me in his life. Well, that's only ONE of the guys in my life.

For example: I have been good friends with my buddy Jayne* for a few years. About a year ago, he started dating this girl, Vira*. I was a little worried, based on my past experience, but I was willing to give her the benefit of a doubt. Glad I did. Vira turned out to be a super cool, funny, laid-back lady who actually liked me and wanted me around. It is actually to the point that Jayne is well aware that if they break up, I'm keeping her too and he is just going to have to deal with it.

Example #2: We all know and love Puffy. He has had multiple dealings/relationships in the years that we have been friends, and while a few of them see the florist in the ink blot once in a while, none of them had a problem with Puffy and I being so close... As far as I know.

Tres: Not sure if this fits exactly but I'll add it just because. My friend Rosie* is engaged to an awesome dude, Sam*. Now I was friends with Rosie before I even met Sam but she is totally ok with him and I being friends... Hell, she encouraged it. They were one of the couples that Puffy pulled my "Home-wrecker" nickname out for a joke.

And my other guy friends who have cool girlfriends like Howard* and Bernadette* who I never get to see since they moved to Denver or Marshall* and Lilly* (Lilly freaking loves me and I love her) they know that they're guys are to be trusted. They also made an effort to befriend me and learn that I am no threat to their relationship. 

So listen up ladies, take it from somebody who knows, I love my boys and I want to see them happy. If you make them happy 100% then you and I will get along just great. You won't have to worry about me and I wont worry about you. But if you start seeing more than florists in those ink blots and kick me out of their lives, we're going to have problems. 

*Names have been changed to protect the (not so) innocent.

The Other Woman

As I said in a previous post, I'm not the kind of woman who would ever want/try to steal a guy from his significant other. That doesn't mean I don't find myself in a subcategory of "The Other Woman"-dom.

Being a female who is also friends with single, 20-something males, means that I have to walk a treacherous line between friend and competition for the girls that the guys are dating... something I never considered I'd be. While this has lead to lots of laughing and jokes it's not all unicorns and rainbows. The one real situation where I've been banned from being friends with a guy because of his girlfriend (I believe his name was Pedro), has made me reevaluate my relationship with my other guy friends.

The worst part of my section of "The Other Woman"-dom is being "dumped" when a guy friend gets a girlfriend. I think this is the one thing I hate about having guys friends. (Of course there are things that drive me nuts, but I don't truely hate anything other than this.)

It is almost like being actually dumped. You stop seeing and talking to them regularly, you randomly wonder what he's doing, you feel left out when you find out he was out with some of your other friends and nobody invited you, you lose somebody to cook for (maybe that last one is just me, besides, I still have Puffy), and most of all, you miss them.

All guys you talk to say that they're not going to dump their friends when they get a girlfriend, and while their intentions might be pure, they're execution is usually a little weak. It's understandable. They have somebody new and important in their lives that they want to spend time with and get to know... it just sucks.

Not that Kind of Girl, pt. II

Here's a not-so-pleasant update from the previous post:

I'm not 100% sure what the catalyst was, but I've been forbidden from seeing Pedro anymore by his girlfriend. Not only seeing, but facebooking, texting, calling, or really talking. (Remember him saying that he would never let that happen? Yeah, me too.)

While, from my point of view, that's the worst of it since it directly affected me (you should be the most important thing in your own life, right?), but it does get worse. Pedro's girlfriend had him give up rugby to prove how important she was to him, and he can't do a lot of the things that makes him, him, without her there to supervise so he doesn't get into any trouble.

Pedro is 27 freaking years old... When did girlfriend start equalling babysitter, mom, and warden all rolled into one?

Anyway, I guess the point of this is to send out a plea to the girls who might stumble across this:

Please don't turn into a crazy girlfriend like my friend Pedro has. Not only does it make you look like a manipulative cunt dragon to everybody who knows your boyfriend, it is far from healthy. If you are that kind of girlfriend, please take a step back and reevaluate your life... maybe even see a councilor because you'll only end up hurting the person you care about the most and yourself.

(Edited from previous post 7/4/2012)