Rebound, Field goal, Whatever

Since matters of love are giving me heartburn lately and, here I am all out of Tums, lets discuss something else, shall we?

Sports.

As many of the girls in the room shudder (and one does a lovely dramatic faint) at the topic, I say "oh shut it!"

Sports are not my forte, never have been. Given the chance to watch a football game on Sunday or read a book, 10 times out of 10 you'll find me with my nose buried between those pages and in my own little world... but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy a game when I have to. 

I was in the marching band and pep band all four years of high school and then in college so I have participated in my fair share of football and basketball heckling. I have yelled ridiculous things to get a player to miss a free throw (my proudest pep band moment was making a player miss when I yelled "your shoes are pretty!!") and spelled out "bra" when we needed our defensive line to hold 'em... But I don't think sports are the thing worth living for. 

Not hating on those who do, I just don't get it.

Unless you're talking rugby, then I totally understand. Rugby is a culture all on its own, based on the love of the game and being around others who feel the same way. Ruggers will spend 80 minutes tackling their own teammates who are playing with the other team because the other team didn't have enough players for a game... Then eat, drink, and mingle with that same opposing team like they were family.

I totally didn't mean to make this a rugby thing, sorry. Back to the topic.*

Now, I have no idea where I was going with this... ummm

Sports!

When it comes to watching them on the t.v. or actually going to them, being there in the crowd wins, hands down (Except golf. They tend to frown on napping on the green and that's all watching golf is good for). The energy, the comradery of the fans, the hotdogs and beer, and the fact that everybody from Dad to Preacher Dan to Grandma can act like they have Turrets and nobody will look at them twice, all make for a unique experience that you will never be able to find anywhere else on earth.  

I like being in the stands, or on the sidelines, or at the concession stand getting a beer and screaming for the player to run or shoot or block like my support and advice is going to affect how well or poorly they play. Plus, it's always fun to see the surprise on the stranger's face next to you when you scream something like "support!" "ball's out!" and "ruck!" and actually know what's going on.

Now that we're all confused as to what this was supposed to be about, let me offer some advice that you will gradually notice as a theme to this blog: 

Somethings might be labeled as a "guy thing", sports being one of them, but it doesn't mean you, as a lady, have to shy away from them. Hell, you might even discover that you like watching sports, be it hockey, water polo, or quidditch. If you try it and don't like it, that's cool too. No judgements here since I'm probably just reading a book while there's a game on somewhere.

*Contact Puffy if you are interested in learning more or want to join a team. Rugby: the hooligan's sport played by gentlemen. Plug over.

The Curse of the Friendzone

The "friend zone" is an interesting phenomenon that has exploded across pop culture in the past few years. While, I'm sure, it dates back to the dawn of humans, it hasn't really held a place in our culture previously like it does now.

The friend zone is where a male and a female (and other variations on this depending on your sexual orientation) meet, fall in mutual friendliness, and the feelings stop there... For only one person. The feelings grow into "like" or even "love" for one of the people while they continue to be friends with the object of their affection, pining for the return of their love and (usually) never getting it. 

This may not be the best explanation of it but hey, I work with what I have. You don't like it, go check out one of the million songs, movies, or books using this premise for dramatic affect. 

Now, I've been friend-zoned (the action of the person you like putting you solidly in the friend column) more than I care to think about (I'm writing a blog about being surrounded by guy friends if it gives you any indication of how many times I've been friend-zoned). I'm the Vice President of the Kearney chapter of Friend-zoned Anonymous, we meet every Wednesday at the bar, bring your own chocolate. 

Now, this topic comes up because of my friend Carlos*. He is one of those guys who has a million gal-friends because he's funny, affectionate, in touch with his feelings, etc. Well, due to this, he has friend-zoned a good number of the girls (not me, because we aren't like that, if u were wondering. strictly friends with us lol) in his following because he wasn't into them, which is perfectly acceptable (kind of) to most girls, as long as the guy they like is single. Well, hell breaks loose and the claws come out when the guy finally finds a girl he really likes like my buddy Carlos just did. Now he has all of these girls calling him an asshole because he didn't want them.

Being friend-zoned is not anybody's fault and is not necessarily a bad thing. A guy can't help if he doesn't return your feelings or if a girl says she wants a guy just like you but not you. As many people in bad relationships and bad movies will tell you, you can't help who you love (and conversely: who you don't love).

Now, for it not being such a bad thing... It sucks. It is one of the worst feelings of your life when you realize that the love and affection you have for somebody important in your life will never be returned, especially after months, if not years, of hoping and over-analyzing every word, every look, every laugh that asshole gave you and knowing that you are the much better person than the bitch he is currently dating... Ok got off track there, sorry. 

VP here talking from experience, it blows, but you will get over it. You will realize that he/she is better as a friend than they would be as your significant other and you will grow up a little, become a better person for it... Until it happens again, because it inevitably will. And you know what? You will walk away from that one also.

Finally (hoping with fingers crossed) you will meet the man/woman who may have friend-zoned other worthy women/men because he/she was waiting for you.

I haven't had it happen yet (because I'm repulsive to men) but hey, I'm a sucker for happy endings and it might as well be yours.

*name has been changed to keep him from giving me crap for writing about him.

Your Guy-friends' Girlfriends

Looking back at past posts, I spent a lot of time lamenting the fact that one of my guy-friends (I guess, ex-guy-friend now) has a crazy girlfriend (now fiancé) who doesn't want me in his life. Well, that's only ONE of the guys in my life.

For example: I have been good friends with my buddy Jayne* for a few years. About a year ago, he started dating this girl, Vira*. I was a little worried, based on my past experience, but I was willing to give her the benefit of a doubt. Glad I did. Vira turned out to be a super cool, funny, laid-back lady who actually liked me and wanted me around. It is actually to the point that Jayne is well aware that if they break up, I'm keeping her too and he is just going to have to deal with it.

Example #2: We all know and love Puffy. He has had multiple dealings/relationships in the years that we have been friends, and while a few of them see the florist in the ink blot once in a while, none of them had a problem with Puffy and I being so close... As far as I know.

Tres: Not sure if this fits exactly but I'll add it just because. My friend Rosie* is engaged to an awesome dude, Sam*. Now I was friends with Rosie before I even met Sam but she is totally ok with him and I being friends... Hell, she encouraged it. They were one of the couples that Puffy pulled my "Home-wrecker" nickname out for a joke.

And my other guy friends who have cool girlfriends like Howard* and Bernadette* who I never get to see since they moved to Denver or Marshall* and Lilly* (Lilly freaking loves me and I love her) they know that they're guys are to be trusted. They also made an effort to befriend me and learn that I am no threat to their relationship. 

So listen up ladies, take it from somebody who knows, I love my boys and I want to see them happy. If you make them happy 100% then you and I will get along just great. You won't have to worry about me and I wont worry about you. But if you start seeing more than florists in those ink blots and kick me out of their lives, we're going to have problems. 

*Names have been changed to protect the (not so) innocent.

The Other Woman

As I said in a previous post, I'm not the kind of woman who would ever want/try to steal a guy from his significant other. That doesn't mean I don't find myself in a subcategory of "The Other Woman"-dom.

Being a female who is also friends with single, 20-something males, means that I have to walk a treacherous line between friend and competition for the girls that the guys are dating... something I never considered I'd be. While this has lead to lots of laughing and jokes it's not all unicorns and rainbows. The one real situation where I've been banned from being friends with a guy because of his girlfriend (I believe his name was Pedro), has made me reevaluate my relationship with my other guy friends.

The worst part of my section of "The Other Woman"-dom is being "dumped" when a guy friend gets a girlfriend. I think this is the one thing I hate about having guys friends. (Of course there are things that drive me nuts, but I don't truely hate anything other than this.)

It is almost like being actually dumped. You stop seeing and talking to them regularly, you randomly wonder what he's doing, you feel left out when you find out he was out with some of your other friends and nobody invited you, you lose somebody to cook for (maybe that last one is just me, besides, I still have Puffy), and most of all, you miss them.

All guys you talk to say that they're not going to dump their friends when they get a girlfriend, and while their intentions might be pure, they're execution is usually a little weak. It's understandable. They have somebody new and important in their lives that they want to spend time with and get to know... it just sucks.

Not that Kind of Girl, pt. II

Here's a not-so-pleasant update from the previous post:

I'm not 100% sure what the catalyst was, but I've been forbidden from seeing Pedro anymore by his girlfriend. Not only seeing, but facebooking, texting, calling, or really talking. (Remember him saying that he would never let that happen? Yeah, me too.)

While, from my point of view, that's the worst of it since it directly affected me (you should be the most important thing in your own life, right?), but it does get worse. Pedro's girlfriend had him give up rugby to prove how important she was to him, and he can't do a lot of the things that makes him, him, without her there to supervise so he doesn't get into any trouble.

Pedro is 27 freaking years old... When did girlfriend start equalling babysitter, mom, and warden all rolled into one?

Anyway, I guess the point of this is to send out a plea to the girls who might stumble across this:

Please don't turn into a crazy girlfriend like my friend Pedro has. Not only does it make you look like a manipulative cunt dragon to everybody who knows your boyfriend, it is far from healthy. If you are that kind of girlfriend, please take a step back and reevaluate your life... maybe even see a councilor because you'll only end up hurting the person you care about the most and yourself.

(Edited from previous post 7/4/2012)

Not That Kind of Girl

As one of my coworkers succinctly put it, I think like a girl up to a certain point, but I think like a guy most of the time.

Which is why I was so baffled when one of my best friend’s (let’s call him Pedro) girl friend accused me of wanting to steal him away from her. I’ll tell you just like I told Pedro, I love him as a friend, but I haven’t had those kind of feelings for him for over six months (long before he and his girlfriend started)… ever since I finally woke up and realized how horrible we would be together. :)

I could tell how awkward he was when he told me what she was accusing me of (I laughed… hard. Probably not the most mature reaction but it took me by surprise) and that she told him to inform me that he would never leave her for me (More laughing. I’m not the kind of person who would encourage a guy to leave his significant other for me). But as Pedro’s friend, I was willing to do what I could to help sooth her ruffled feathers and help him get his shit back on track. I promised to keep my distance and told him to tell her that she could call me if she wanted to take anything up with me personally.

Thankfully, she didn’t forbid us from hanging out together anymore. We all would have had a problem with that. Pedro even said that it wouldn’t have flown if she had… not 100% sure what he meant by that but I like to think that he would have stolen his balls back from her purse and put his foot down.

While it’s a rather delicate situation and uncharted territory for me, it has become a bit of a joke amongst my friends. Hell, Puffy has even started calling me “Homewrecker” depending on the situation and who we’re with. He’s even asked me if I was allowed to have lunch with him and Pedro… and he went out of his joking way to make sure Pedro and I didn’t sit next to each other.

This whole thing has finally forced me to the realization that if I am going to continue to have male friends, I am going to have to figure out some way to make nice with their girlfriends so this occurrence doesn’t keep happening….

Now, how the hell do I do that?

The first rule of Fight Club is: Never talk about Fight Club

I recently got into a pretty bad car accident. My little Dodge Stratus could not compete with the other driver's Ford Expedition and it was sent to an early grave. I'm still alive and doing better than my car... but not by much.

I'm sore, stitches in my elbow, bruises on my right leg and hand, and a huge fucking goose-egg that takes up half of my face, highlighted by the epic shiner around my left eye.

Girls and guys normally react to injuries very differently and my injuries definitely gave me first hand knowledge of this.

My accident happened Thursday afternoon. After an evening spent with some of my closest friends at the Lair trying to wrap my head around what happened and dealing with my injuries I ventured out Friday morning to get the stuff out of my car and fax the police report to the insurance agent. To do this, I ran out to work so I could use the fax machine.

As soon as I walked into the building, I was swamped by some of my female coworkers who lamented over my injuries and shuddered at sight of my swollen eye. After I told my story a few times and took all the sympathy I could handle at that moment, I headed back to the gun department to send my fax and chat with my friend Matt and a couple of my other coworkers.

I loved my male coworkers reactions to my injuries. They were excited about my black eye and actually complimented me on it. Their eyes brightened at the retelling of my tale and they gave me outlandish stories to tell when somebody asked about my eye.

An interesting difference between the sex's reactions to injuries: Women are nurturing and worried, men are proud and excited to see them/show them off.