The first rule of Fight Club is: Never talk about Fight Club

I recently got into a pretty bad car accident. My little Dodge Stratus could not compete with the other driver's Ford Expedition and it was sent to an early grave. I'm still alive and doing better than my car... but not by much.

I'm sore, stitches in my elbow, bruises on my right leg and hand, and a huge fucking goose-egg that takes up half of my face, highlighted by the epic shiner around my left eye.

Girls and guys normally react to injuries very differently and my injuries definitely gave me first hand knowledge of this.

My accident happened Thursday afternoon. After an evening spent with some of my closest friends at the Lair trying to wrap my head around what happened and dealing with my injuries I ventured out Friday morning to get the stuff out of my car and fax the police report to the insurance agent. To do this, I ran out to work so I could use the fax machine.

As soon as I walked into the building, I was swamped by some of my female coworkers who lamented over my injuries and shuddered at sight of my swollen eye. After I told my story a few times and took all the sympathy I could handle at that moment, I headed back to the gun department to send my fax and chat with my friend Matt and a couple of my other coworkers.

I loved my male coworkers reactions to my injuries. They were excited about my black eye and actually complimented me on it. Their eyes brightened at the retelling of my tale and they gave me outlandish stories to tell when somebody asked about my eye.

An interesting difference between the sex's reactions to injuries: Women are nurturing and worried, men are proud and excited to see them/show them off.

Totally True

My friend Mark took one taste of one of the goodies I made this week and spouted that he couldn't decide weither to classify me as a Goddess or something above a Goddess. That warmed the cockles of my heart a bit.

The Awesomeness that is Carbomb Cupcakes

Sorry, another post tooting my own horn about how awesome a cook/baker I am. I'm done now.

The way to a man's heart....

... is through his stomach.

I've been cooking for guys for a few years now so I know this first hand. Beside, I don't think I'm the only person who can attest to this either. I'm a pretty damn good cook if I do say so myself and there are a few things that I make that, when mentioned, make my friends' eyes light up.... which is why I make them so often. There is nothing more pleasing to a cook than seeing people truly enjoy the fruits of their labor... and my friends never fail to enjoy what I cook..

My favorite is introducing my friends to old family recipes that I've loved for years and having them love them as much or more than I do, like galumpkis (cabbage rolls) and kifli (crescent cookies). Puffy and Joey are usually the ones who get to be my guinea pigs when I attempt new recipes and as far as I know, I haven't disappointed them yet.

One of my favorite new recipes is carbomb cupcakes/cake (which Puffy recently requested and I have spent a good part of the day working on): Guinness chocolate cake, Jameson ganache, and Bailey's Irish Cream frosting. I've made them quite a few times since I put them together and they never fail to be a huge hit.

picture and recipe from http://www.mybakingaddiction.com/guinness-cupcakes/

They even made my friend Evan think of me when he found a recipe for Blue Moon cupcakes. Which he sent me with the a note saying that I needed to make them next time he was in town. They weren't as good as the carbomb cupcakes but they weren't bad.

Oh, another thing. If alcohol and/or bacon can be added to a recipe, do it! Don't think twice! Not only will they make it better, guys will love you for it.

...Oh, gravy and cheese, too.

My Sheldon

I have a friend who is our version of Sheldon. He's not as socially retarded as Sheldon, but the resemblance is scary. He's super smart and tends to insert very random bits of information into conversations that nobody understands but actually is pertinent to the conversation.

Nathan and Me

He has a very dry wit and most people can't tell when he's joking or serious and I have to be on my toes around him to keep from being utterly confused by what he says.

The reason for this post is to share with the word what kind of text messages Nathan comes up with after an evening of drinking. I might have to ask him for the translation... you'll see what I mean.

"crepuscular uniformatarianstic revanchistic polyandrous fricative tetrapodsm"

"slutious maximus in the common tongue most slutious with an entymogical root in Italic Indo European, bitches!"

"In the course of ones life one lives to make light of ones own existence and existential frailty or in the words of the wise...one must live for liveliness sake and create our own fate. so in a word... nefarious apathy, bitches!"

The last one I can actually understand and love but the other two are a little iffy on their meanings to this kid.

Grandpa

I became a Grandpa today!

I know what you're thinking: "WTF? Aren't you a chick?!"

Yes, I am a female... let me explain. My freshmen year in college, three of my friends and I ventured the 30-some miles to Bob's Bar in Nebraska to enjoy the huge burgers and even huger sides. On our way back, the two sitting in the back seat, Jamie and Miles, began playfully acting like children. Jonda and I in the front seat began playfully acting like parents. I (metaphorically) drew the short straw and became the dad and it is an inside joke that we have carried to this day.

Today, March 8, 2012, my "daughter" Jamie gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Aydelia Elaine Wilson-Campbell.

She looks just like me!!!

So, I celebrated the way men have been celebrating the birth of a child into their family for generations: I smoked a cigar with my closest male friends and showed off a baby picture that the others only looked at out of friendship to me.

Once again...

... a guy in my life allows his penis decide his loyalty rather than his head.

I got left at a bar last night and needless to say, I am not happy about it. Even 24 hours later, I'm still pissed off.

Oh, and the super power that I would want the least? Invisibility. I'm already invisible so it'd just be redundant.

Pity party over. Sorry.

Just Call Me Annie Oakley

There is nothing sexier to me than a good looking man using a weapon, be it gun, sword, or atlatl. It may seem under-evolved and less-than-modern, but that's how I roll. It's lucky for me that I sell guns for a living and have lots of guy friends who like "shooting shit."

But while I enjoy watching men be all manly, I like to join in the fun, too.

Today, I went shooting with the guys. It was just supposed to be Puffy, Joey, my friend Mark, and I, but Mark couldn't make it and Joey invited our friends Ivan, Chris, Laura, and Riley. So it was quite a party.

It may or may not be necessary to say, but I was the only female there who knew much of anything about guns so I got to play with the boys instead of standing around and watching.


Hell, I even own my own guns so I didn't have to borrow the boys's toys.



Ms. Rita Skeeter: She's a picky, noisy bitch.



Ruger 10/22 that I stole from my dad... It's mine now!



Doesn't mean I don't borrow their guns on occasion. I love Rugers and both Puffy and Joey have Ruger pistols which I shoot every chance I get.

Ginger: Puffy's SR9C

The Hand Cannon: Joey's P345

We traded off shooting pistols and rifles. We had a couple .22s and Puffy's .30-06 along with Joey's SKS (which I have been wanting to try out since he bought it and I may need to buy one, too. It was FUN to shoot.) We also shot blue rock, trading the three shotguns between the four guys and me. I think we need to go shooting blue rock more (I'll probably have to steal my dad's shot gun, too.) because I think I only hit 3 or 4 clays out of the probably 10-15 that I shot at.

Puffy thought it would be funny to make Laura and Riley shoot his shotgun (a single shot that is half mule if how it kicks is any indicator) without full disclosure on how bad the kick is. Poor girls. I chuckled with the guys but the memory of my first time shooting it is too fresh to really enjoy it.

I did shoot the damn thing too many times tonight, though. My shoulder hurts so bad right now.